Breastfeeding Mama Talk: You Might be a Breastfeeding Mama If….

breastfeeding mama talk

Ain’t no talk like breastfeeding mama talk ’cause a breastfeeding party don’t stop! Am I right!

Party people, please tell me you can relate.

 

25) Pamela Anderson loaned you her boobs, and they’re pretty awesome. (Aside from the fact that one nipple points northwest and the other southeast….)

24) You frequently squeeze your boobs to see how full they are and then realize you’re walking through the middle of the gym.

23) You’ve woken up in a pool of your own milk.

22) At one point in time your boobs have looked more like a crime scene than a come hither temptation. Who invented the word nipple trauma? Really?

21) You have sex with a bra on because well – leaky, leaky…….

20) Your bras range from cup size B to EE.

19) You wonder how God overlooked giving men boobs as well.

Breastfeeding Mama Talk18) Your baby’s rolls have rolls, and you still wonder if she’s getting enough. Welcome to the swirling vortex of worry you shall never escape from.

17) You now refer to the scarves in your closet as nursing covers.

16) You wake up with rocks on your chest instead of boobs.

15) You dumbly assume breastfeeding = no ovulation. Ha.

14) You eat like a teenage boy.

13) You realize labor and delivery ain’t got NOTHING on the pain endured by a mama whose newborn apparently didn’t get the memo that you have to open your mouth up WIDE in order for mommy’s nipples not to be destroyed.

12) Your decollage looks like it got in a fight with a small kitten and most definitely lost.

11) You think about your boobs more often than your husband does.

10) You pick out your top du jour based on how deep the V neck is. You can’t remember the last time you wore a cute dress. And you go through more wardrobe changes than Katy Perry.

9) Your introverted hermit of a self uses nursing as an excuse to escape unwanted conversations/awkward mingling/taking usies. Who needs therapy for social anxiety when you’ve got breastfeeding to fall back on…….

 8) You forgot there was such a thing called a period. Thank you Jesus.

7) The baggage beneath your eyes has now made eye cream and concealer non-optional. I may not have brushed my teeth in the last 24 hrs, but you can bet your mama’s cookies I’ve sprayed the mess out of my hair with dry shampoo. Genius whoever came up with that little life saver.

6) Full frontal hugs are no longer an option. Side hugs indeed.

5) You make sure your phone is close at all times in case the 15 minute snack turns into a marathon nursing session and you need a Facebook feed to remind you that the outside world does in fact still exist. And can you believe it, is functioning just fine without you!

4) You’ve wondered if a nutritional exchange was actually taking place or if you were just being used as a pacifier.

Breastfeeding Mama Talk3) You’ve watched a YouTube video at 3 a.m. on how to latch a newborn, while tears leaked down your face and teeth were most definitely being gnashed…..And then Googled nipple shields, breast pumps, frozen cabbage leaves….

2) You hate the fact that you’re the only one that can milk your baby to sleep.

1) You LOVE the fact that you’re the only one that can milk your baby to sleep.

Now it’s your turn for some breastfeeding mama talk! You might be a breastfeeding mama if…..

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